IDidItMyWay

Remember back in the day when you were a 31yr old man and used to pretend you were a 12yr old kid just so you could enroll in school again? No, neither would I if I was that old but Neil Havens Rodreick II can answer yes. Since 2005 this dickhead has been shaving like a motherfucker and wearing makeup to help him appear around 12yrs old which until January 07 completely convinced dumb arse teachers. Seriously how stupid can they be? He was probably a good few feet taller than everyone, drove himself to school but more importantly totally owned the court in dodge ball.

On the other side of the coin how fucked up is this guy, when and if I get to 31yrs old the last thing I would want to do if I’m unemployed is go back to school, getting homework again and hanging around 12yr old kids all fucking day. Sure the up sides would be sport time which would no doubt make you feel like Michael Jordan from your outright domination plus you could probably take home any spelling bee or maths awards and put them on your fridge. But In saying that while getting a beer out later that evening and seeing all your star awards would you feel like you earned them? I guess you would because you wouldn’t have cheated, you would simply have studied more than the other students. Sure it’s like 20 years more but who’s fucking counting? But imagine getting up that early putting on the uniform then listening to your teachers boss you around thinking you’re just some kid but in actually fact you may have fucked their mom.

Just when you think this situation probably can’t get any stranger, he has been arrested with three other men who were playing his cousin, uncle and grandfather. All of whom originally met Neil because they were cruising the net looking underage kids to date. I guess we should spare a thought for these guys also though as the feeling they probably experienced after dating him for awhile when he finally told them he was 31 not 12 I imagine could only have felt like it would if your girlfriend told you she was born a man.

At the end of the day I guess the real question here is where the fuck were the talent scouts for those two years?

A man in California has sold his 14 year old daughter for $16,000. How much of a fucking idiot is this guy, not only is $16,000 a steal for a 14 year old but its fucking inhuman in the times we live in. How this guy could have just put his hand out and taken the $16,000 and walked away without his daughter is insanity. The only thing more comical then thinking about how this guy’s brain manages to wipe his own arse after taking a shit is the thought of what he was thinking he will tell the wife when he gets home minus a daughter. I bet he would have been thinking all types of golden excuses for being daughterless; perhaps “a bright light came from up above and zapped her up, there was nothing I could do”. Or another golden one might be “she turned into a Bat and flew away”.

The arse kicking this man would have got (unless of course his wife is anything like him) would have been something to play the Benny Hill theme too.  But what separates this story from the hundreds that IDIMW readers from Iran and shit probably hear of everyday is the fact that after a week on no payment being received the man was left with no choice other than to go to the cops and explain the situation as he knew they would be sympathetic to him. This would be like a crack dealer getting robbed and crying to the cops about everything that was taken, in fact this guy is so dumb that if he was a crack dealer and got robbed he would try and claim the missing crack on insurance.

Fuck there really are some dumb mother fuckers out there…

Today I read a new story about an American family who beat the shit out of their son and swung him around in the air to ‘get rid of a demon’. Apparently the father originally purchased a statue which he believed was possessed by the devil so he go a budda to bury it. After this he start throwing all his shit over the balcony with the final straw being his 3 year old kid.

Why the fuck do religious people do such weird things? Like that fucking weird Silas in that Da Vinci Code movie with him whipping himself with a metal cilice as a form of corporal mortification. Serious what fucking god wants to see his/her people doing that shit. Or that other fucking idiot Osama and how he is using Religion as a motive to hate American (and Bush at the time). Did bush ever give a shit who Allah was? He probably didn’t even know what the fuck Allah was suppose to be. But it goes to show how promising people something that they can’t prove you can’t offer really works in getting them to do anything.

So this got me thinking of other people doing shitting things and wondering what must make them do it, Strippers, prostitutes do it for the money. Public rest room cleaners do it for the money. This you would say is logical as at least they know they are going to get the money. But when it comes to religious freaks just telling someone they may get something is as good as the real thing in the eyes. I mean c’mon those dickheads who flew the planes in 911, they gained absolutely nothing (that is unless they are still up stairs with all their promised virgins).

But on the other hand how fucking awesome would the world be if everyone in the world (except you of course) operated like this? When going to get some gas at the gas station you realise you don’t have any money so you tell the station clerk “if you give me it for free when you die you won’t have pimples anymore” and bam your gas was free. Or your caught stealing a car and the cop ask if you have anything to say, so you tell him he will get an endless supply of doughnuts when he dies if he forgets all about the situation.

Thinking shit like this now kind of makes me want to join a closed gate cult….

OK, the past week has been a week to remember for me. It has had everything and as of a few hours ago I’m now a house owner. That’s right following on from my last entry about looking for a house over the weekend I found the place that will shortly be lucky enough to call me its owner. Yeah I just missed out on the Aaron Spelling place by this place is possible more awesome anyway.

For starters this place is brand fucking new, so it won’t have any old man smell to it nor will I have to think of some old person bathing or dying in the place before I moved in. It also has quite the view from both of its balcony’s with only a short walk to the harbor. So at first I kind of had no idea how/why on earth they would have sold it to me. But that all soon changed after looking in the mirror I saw again the proof of how awesome I am and thought they would have been stupid not to sell it to me. In saying that I guess there is a strong chance that by having me in the neighborhood the prices of nearby places will double or triple but all in all it’s this place is now mine.

It will probably take a few weeks to get all the paperwork organized but when it does I’ll shoot a picture or two of the surroundings. I might even take a walk around the area to see if I can snap a few other celebs places too.

Fuck it’s going to be awesome.

I’m currently in the market for a home and coincidentally Aaron Spelling or more to the truth Aaron Spellings family has put his crib up for grabs. Probably due to the current recession they are practically giving it away for a cool 150million. In saying that unfortunately on my current salary it’s a little out of my reach so then feeling a little down with my salary and how what I can afford compares to the spelling estate I thought the best way to cheer me up is to laugh at others expense.

So I went on google and typed in ‘homeless house’ and had mixed emotions with the results. On one hand I was smiling thinking how I can afford a house perhaps not a fucking mansion but at least a roof over my head. Then on the other hand I started thinking about how these people would love a fucking upside down box and probably getting sad because they can’t afford a spelling type mansion doesn’t even cross their minds. Stuff like racing to be the first to the bin after I have thrown shit in there because I dropped it on the ground or who can collect the most plastic bags before dark are their biggest concerns and challenges for the day. They must be fucking furious with birds when they get to the bin quicker!!

Conclusion: This has made me feel better; I’m now going to get myself a burger and beer Fuck Yeah!!