IDidItMyWay

When you think of strippers at a strip club, you don’t exactly think of a 14 year old. (Well if you do you need help you fucking sicko.) Anyway the Cheetah Club in Texas is in deep shit for employing a 14 yr old dancer who they ‘thought’ was actually 22.

She came (into the club) with 6-inch stiletto heels and a miniskirt and looked just like a model from a Miss America’s contest

Who the fuck confuses a 14 year old kid with a 22 year old? If the colored sparkly bracelets and head bands weren’t enough of a giveaway, then perhaps the Hanna Montana backpack should have raised some doubts?

It turns out that the kid has perhaps been kidnapped back in March by 48 year old Leslie Campbell. (I don’t know if this is a woman or man since Leslie is one of those completely gay names used by both male and female). Once kidnapped, she was assaulted, given a fake ID and made to strip at the club by Campbell.

Police say the girl, who has not been identified, escaped from Campbell’s home and has been reunited with her parents in San Antonio.

Ok so once this news broke the Cheetah Club who could have taken the news in a number of ways choose the professional road and decided to fucking sue Campbell, PLUS the girl and her parents!!

How the fuck does that work? Firstly the kid is stolen from the parents, made to strip and now will be hit with a lawsuit! Seriously, how fucking stupid is this clubs owner?

“We’re the victims here,” Club owner Yaffe said.

I can only image how far he will get with both the judge and jury in court upon answer all questions with ‘I am the victim here’.

Anyway upon doing some ‘research’ on the club I found some of their existing dancers. I would assume that the girl can count her lucky stars the idiot chose this club for her as I can’t imagine many people even bother going therejudging from the quality.

It would appear I’m a bit late on finding out, but this time next week the world will witness the release of the Seinfeld Porno. After watching this show as a kid never did I imagine that in the distant future there would be the possibility that I would get a boner from it.

But now when I think about it, sure the cast doesn’t exactly look the same but I imagine that seeing scenes like Jerry fucking Elaine or George finally getting some will actually feel like I’m watching a friend’s home porno.

Now for those of you out there that perhaps didn’t or don’t count the cast as your friends I imagine you will experience the other side of the coin that you ‘know people in porn’ which also will probably get you off.

With my first point in mind I was thinking what other shows did I watch as a kid that if turned into pornos would be like a distant friend’s home movie or perhaps even bring some closure to the story plot.

Growing Pains:  Seeing Mikey return after venturing around the world to tell Ben about his conquests would add an entirely new dimension to this brothership.

Step by Step:  How about seeing Carol finally tell Frank to fuck off and hitting the bar scene would be awesome. Plus even though I fucking hated Dana growing up, something about her eyes now means she would slip into porn easily.

But perhaps the one everyone needs most would be ‘The Wonder Years’ seeing Kevin finally get some from Winnie (while Paul is probably looking through the window) would almost be as fulfilling as knowing if Aliens did or didn’t land at Roswell. Just to finish the movie off properly, the final scene can be Wayne running in and punching Kevin straight in the gut so that we can all laugh after jacking off.

Idiot of the week #5 was a clear runaway this week, I must admit that there was some early competition from this guy who clearly has far too much trust in people not stealing his bike, either that or he is just a stupid fucking retard.

Anyway the winner is…. Kimberley Vlaminck, this dumb bitch apparently went into a tattoo parlor and asked for THREE tiny stars near her left eye (I’m guessing to somewhat copy LA Ink’s Kat Von D’s). She is now suing the tattooist because she is claiming that during this minor tattoo she  ‘fell asleep’ and upon waking up found 53 extra fucking stars.

FUCK OFF, who the fuck falls asleep when getting a tattoo on the face? I have had a few non facial tattoo’s done,  although it didn’t hurt near as much as many people claim it does I certainly wasn’t about to fucking fall asleep from boredom/relaxation.

Not only this but if I woke up and saw I had 56 gay looking stars all over my face I wouldn’t have gone fucking nuts on the dude and the parlor. But ok..ok let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and believe she did, I think we should probably notify Guinness World Records. I say this because three tiny stars would have taken all of 2.4 minutes so for her to fall asleep within that time when it fucking takes me that long to just get my pillow in the right position every night….  I’m sure is a world record.

The tattooist claims:

She was awake throughout and complained only after her dad and boyfriend threw a fit. She looked in the mirror several times. She asked for 56 stars and that’s what she got.

Overall I would personally like to thank Kimberley for getting the extra 53, not only did seeing how fucked up its looks cheer me up when I first read the article after only moments earlier losing half my cookie into my coffee, but because no matter how many times I look at the image it brings a huge smile to my face and makes me giggle.

Ladies and gays, imagine meeting the man of your dreams (yes… a fitness fanatic and bodybuilder, now I’m all giggly). After dating for 6 months he moves in with you. After 8 months he decides to propose to you, you of course say yes.

As the wedding day approaches all your fat single girlfriends can’t stop talking about the hens night and how fucking awesome it will be to have strippers pay attention to them you. While cruising around the net for hens night strippers, one of the fatties ‘stumbles’ across a porn site feature your husband to be.

Well this shit happened to Haylie Hocking and because of this she has called off her wedding and acting all innocent saying how she could never marry a porn star plus going on even further to say that he actually lied to her because he never told her he was one.

Well my question for this bitch is did you ever fucking ask him are you a porn star? If not then I guess he never actually lied now did he?

“I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust a man again.”

Shit the fuck up you whiny bitch, seriously who gives a fuck? She was fine getting all the presents and shit plus it would appear ‘he must have been taken his work home’ for her to not have been curious. I guess I could even go as far as defending him as being completely truthful when he told her:

He would often go away weekends, telling her he was training clients in a gym.

We all know that it’s pretty much the same thing though isn’t? Well that’s atleast how I think of it when I always tick ‘athletic’ on ‘body type’ questionaires.

Following on from yesterdays ‘where’s mommy’ post, I have found an interesting story regarding a 20 year old stripper (Samantha Abernathy) who left her two kids (aged 1 and 3) to fend for themselves at home for a few hours while she went out. Neighbors phoned the cops because the kids were running around crazy.

So at this point of the story is just doesn’t seem weird enough to mention right? I mean who doesn’t leave there toddlers at home on the odd occasion or two. Well don’t worry it keeps getting more fucked up every line after.

Upon arriving, police found the children’s room to have urine and faeces stains all over the carpet, with the refrigerator having a child-proof lock on it and contained a lot of alcohol but very little food.”

Ok, that’s fucked up. The kids are allowed to shit and piss all over the carpet but can’t help themselves to a beer or two afterward? But just when I thought what else could perhaps put the cherry on the top of this story I read what happened when the police returned the kids home from the cop station.

The 1-year-old child, upon entering the residence, went right to the pantry and started eating dog food,”

How fucking retarded is this chick? Did she not get the memo that children aren’t pets? Did she get these kids in a box under the Christmas tree last year?
Although we can probably agree she is clearly not a great mother, we must give her at least some credit for being able to pick ‘Mr Rights’.

Police say the fathers of the children arrived at 10 a.m., but neither knew who was supposed to be watching the children.

More disturbing than the fact these guys actually banged her at some point, but WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY HANGING OUT TOGETHER!!? When dating a chick hearing about her ex’s is at the top of my ‘do not fucking mention’ list so hanging out with them is a huge fucking no.

I can only hope that the two dudes are brothers or even better, perhaps now gay partners just so this story can be a grand slam in its overall fucked up rating.