IDidItMyWay

Back when I was in high school during Sex Ed my friends and I would encourage each other to ask the stupidest questions we could think, from memory a few of them were ‘where does the condom go?’, or ‘how can you make your own condoms?’ even the old classic ‘can I get a chick pregnant from a blow job?’ was asked a few times.

The answers to these are pretty simple and the teachers knew we were asking them knowing the answers yet they would have to go through the answers in full each time we asked. Well it would seem that perhaps everyone in Sex Ed classes around the world perhaps didn’t get the sarcasm kids use. In saying this I’m referring to the Polish mom who is suing an Egyptian hotel after claiming her daughter got pregnant using their mixed swimming pool.

Apparently her 13 year old girl has come back from their family holiday pregnant and is now claiming that she didn’t fuck meet any boys while there.

Tourist authorities in Warsaw confirmed they had received the complaint which states that the girl conceived because of stray sperm in the pool.

Fuck off , seriously the fact that this news story has made it around the world clearly shows how bullshit it is. In all of this many people perhaps yourself included would blame the kid for being a lying little slut, but my hat goes off to her and I stand up and applaud her encouragement to keep feeding her parents complete bullshit as long as they are going to believe it.

It clear that her parents are either retarded or just so fucking stupid to know that teenagers lie about everything they do wrong. Hell, there has been numerous times in my life when I have lied to get myself out of shitty situations such as pretending to be retarded to avoid a police fine for not having a train ticket, pretending not to speak English when not having enough money to pay a burger bill and the list goes on but blaming a pool for getting knocked up must take the cake.

I just can’t wait for the next twist in this story of when they DNA test the baby and it turns out to be the girls dads!!

While I was in High school I hardly did any work nor did I bother to study because I knew I was going to be a professional sportsman so as long as I could respond to simple questions in pre and post match interviews the rest would sort itself out. Adding to this all the money I would be making I would constantly present a strong case to teachers before being thrown out of class.

Since then obvious my big league dreams have now come back to reality and the most ‘ball’ I play is throwing rocks at retarded kids from my balcony trees and birds. So at times, as most of you know seeing all these other arseholes that did actually make it on TV and loving the high life on their giant deposable incomes can make you pissed off.

Well that is until today when I read how Logan Campbell, an New Zealand taekwondo Olympian is now running a brothel to try and recoup some of the $121,000 that it cost him to get his arse in the last Olympics and perhaps get it back there in the next.

In reading this my first reaction was to laugh at how he is poor and how he and his parents actually used their own money to get there and he didn’t even win shit, but then I released that what he has now is 1000 times more fucking awesome. Think about it he is working with slutty chicks everyday that are banging rich dudes for money which ultimately ends up in his fucking pocket.

Campbell planned to take a couple of years off, hopefully earn up to $300,000 from the brothel and launch his bid for the 2012 Olympics in London in 2011.

$300,000 in two years, fuck me!! Now I am more pissed off at this guy than sports stars making the big bucks because at least they somewhat have to be on good behaviour, diet right and train all week but this fucker now gets to order sluts around, probably get a blowy in his lunch break should he wish and goes home with way more money than I do.

That mother fucker.

Adding further to this the fact he is getting so much publicity now purely because he was a half arse Olympian meaning more people will go and try it out to see what it’s all about, ultimately resulting in more money in this fuckers pocket.
Why couldn’t I have been smart enough back in high school to instead of training like a mother fucker towards a future in professional sports that would never happen, I should have been getting in the crowds with slutty chicks and offering them a job of making me shit loads of cash while they made minimal wage and were fired when they were no longer hot enough.

Fuck my kid is going to be so fucking loaded when I pass on all the information I have learnt from my mistakes!!

If I was to ask a bunch of kids what the coolest way to die would be, I’m guessing most would say something like in a race car at full speed, in a shootout with cops while doing a heist, or perhaps drowning in a chocolate pool.

Well this week one lucky unlucky man came as close as possible to the third option. Vincent Smith Jr, 29 while working at Willy Wonka’s a chocolate factory stepped through an opening in the ground and fell into a vat filled with boiling chocolate that was in the process of being mixed.

How fucking bad/good would it be to die this way, apparently as soon as  he fell in he was screaming for help and you can just imagine chocolate was probably filling his mouth, so while yes he was in pain he probably was also having a sweet little snack.

But what is most concerning for me is where the fuck were the oompa loompa’s and why didn’t they try to help this guy? Were they on a break? Did he steal some candy prior to this? Also why was he even yelling, sure the vat would have been extremely hot but when I saw this very same thing happen in the fat kid in the movie he didn’t even scream at all.

Overall I guess the moral of this story is, don’t believe everything you see in a “kid’s” movie, unless it involves vampires and shit because everyone know ‘twilight’ is real… right?

With the current global economy the way it is, it can be hard to make an honest buck. Well this may be the case for most of us but not a New Zealand teenager who thought selling nude pictures of his fucking mom would be a good idea.

It all began when he was originally told by his mom to clean out their garage, not thrilled to do this the teenager requested to be paid but the mother responded with:

I’m not paying you, but you can put what you can sell on trade me (ebay) if you want some money.

Upon sorting through the crap he came across the 5 semi nude/ nude pictures, and rather than throw up on them like every normal teenage dude he thought he would instead stick to his mom’s advice and see what he could fetch for them online.

Is this kid fucking retarded? Did he not think that one of his friends or possible someone at his school would buy them for a few bucks and seriously make this kids life complete fucking hell for maybe um…. FOREVER!!

I mean fuck, seriously just imagine some kid at your school is selling pictures of his mom to make a quick buck, you buy that shit now while he is desperate and you have something over him for the rest of his fucking life. If I was back in high school and couldn’t afford the asking price I would have fucking pooled money together just to make this dickheads life hell.

But wait for it…. no one can disagree that this shit is fucked up, but what if I told you that the Mom was actually cool with it after finding out!

Upon finding out mom was at first pretty shocked, but then she went along with it and asked for 50% of the sale. I just wanted a bit of extra cash, we’re not rich or anything.

How can I even fucking comment on that…….