IDidItMyWay

How long do you think it would take take a person to realize they had steered off course and  were now traveling  down a subway tunnel instead of the road? If your name is Max Kirsch you would have simply answered 200metres or more before I even finished that question.

This idiot from Germany who had just seen the new Harry Potter film was driving home when he took a wrong turn and ended up in underground train tunnel. Rather than fucking slam the brake on straight away and slam it into reverse while hoping no one saw your stupid arse go down the tunnel in the first place this idiot didn’t even realize. Read more…

If I was to ask a bunch of kids what the coolest way to die would be, I’m guessing most would say something like in a race car at full speed, in a shootout with cops while doing a heist, or perhaps drowning in a chocolate pool.

Well this week one lucky unlucky man came as close as possible to the third option. Vincent Smith Jr, 29 while working at Willy Wonka’s a chocolate factory stepped through an opening in the ground and fell into a vat filled with boiling chocolate that was in the process of being mixed.

How fucking bad/good would it be to die this way, apparently as soon as  he fell in he was screaming for help and you can just imagine chocolate was probably filling his mouth, so while yes he was in pain he probably was also having a sweet little snack.

But what is most concerning for me is where the fuck were the oompa loompa’s and why didn’t they try to help this guy? Were they on a break? Did he steal some candy prior to this? Also why was he even yelling, sure the vat would have been extremely hot but when I saw this very same thing happen in the fat kid in the movie he didn’t even scream at all.

Overall I guess the moral of this story is, don’t believe everything you see in a “kid’s” movie, unless it involves vampires and shit because everyone know ‘twilight’ is real… right?

What if you found out that your company was ‘restructuring’ and that a number of employees would be let go soon? Would you A) start looking for a new job? B) start kissing your bosses arse C) Hire a 6 Colombian hit man to kill your boss before he has the chance to fire you?

Well apparently if you’re Spanish you probably would have answered ‘C’ like this idiot.

Spanish police have arrested a man whom they suspect hired contract killers to murder his boss in a desperate bid to avoid being laid off

What a fucking idiot!! Did he honestly believe this would work? Did he honest think that all the ‘restructuring’ plans were ONLY in the bosses fucking head?

Besides the above, why go to the fucking extreme length of hiring 6 hit men when it would seem he could have easier killed the guy himself and A) saved money B) possible not got caught as half the world wouldn’t have been ‘in’ on it.

As most Idiot of The Week winners, there is always someone or something that helps put them above the rest and this case was no different.

In fear of losing his job, the head of services, through his sister, contracted a team of six Colombians who planned and carried out the killing, El Pais reported.

So not only could this dickhead not kill his boss himself but he also couldn’t arrange it by himself. This really raises another important question of is his sister fucking nuts also!! Seriously if my brother or sister came to me with this plan and was like “Hey.. ummm do you think you could get maybe 5 or 6 Colombian hit man to kill my boss so he doesn’t fire me?” my first reaction would be to punch him/her for being a fucking retard.

I guess the only positive of the story is that the parents are probably proud of their kids working so well together, of plus the fact they will save money every Christmas now as they won’t need to buy them Christmas presents anymore.

Note: No the picture isn’t of the hit man but it would have been so much fucking awesome if it was

How often do your friends ask if you would do something fucking disgusting, then when you say no they reply with ‘well would you do it for a million dollars?”. Just about everything and anyone can be brought in life for that much so it is a stupid fucking question.

But when it comes to sex what would be your absolute lowest price to fuck a stranger?

Well for Lahoma Sue Smith the answer was for the box of fucking potato chips in the back of some dudes car!! That’s right, fucking potato chips!! If she is willing to suck a dick for a box of chips just imagine the shit she would do for this

To make things seem even worse (if they could be), the 32 year old man on the other side of this deal didn’t even buy them; he stole the box from work earlier in the day.

The man confessed that he was in the area to pick up a prostitute, but had no money. So he offered Smith a box of Frito-Lay chips valued at $30, for sex.

I must admit this dude deserves some respect; basically he went cruising for a hooker knowing he had no cash but knew because of his manly charm that he would be able to work out a deal for his ‘sweet sweet’ box of chips.

But seriously, fucking come on… how fucking bad is you life when your sucking someone’s dick for a packet of chips. Fuck I wouldn’t let someone touch my left arse cheek for less than a 50 note (unless she is fucking smoking how in which case it would of course be free of charge).

I guess the real positive of this story is that she would have been able to erase the nasty taste of a desperate dick out of her mouth semi quickly with the chips… let’s just hope there was some dude a little further down the road who works for a bottled water company as everyone knows potato chips make you thirsty are fuck!

Idiot of the week #5 was a clear runaway this week, I must admit that there was some early competition from this guy who clearly has far too much trust in people not stealing his bike, either that or he is just a stupid fucking retard.

Anyway the winner is…. Kimberley Vlaminck, this dumb bitch apparently went into a tattoo parlor and asked for THREE tiny stars near her left eye (I’m guessing to somewhat copy LA Ink’s Kat Von D’s). She is now suing the tattooist because she is claiming that during this minor tattoo she  ‘fell asleep’ and upon waking up found 53 extra fucking stars.

FUCK OFF, who the fuck falls asleep when getting a tattoo on the face? I have had a few non facial tattoo’s done,  although it didn’t hurt near as much as many people claim it does I certainly wasn’t about to fucking fall asleep from boredom/relaxation.

Not only this but if I woke up and saw I had 56 gay looking stars all over my face I wouldn’t have gone fucking nuts on the dude and the parlor. But ok..ok let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and believe she did, I think we should probably notify Guinness World Records. I say this because three tiny stars would have taken all of 2.4 minutes so for her to fall asleep within that time when it fucking takes me that long to just get my pillow in the right position every night….  I’m sure is a world record.

The tattooist claims:

She was awake throughout and complained only after her dad and boyfriend threw a fit. She looked in the mirror several times. She asked for 56 stars and that’s what she got.

Overall I would personally like to thank Kimberley for getting the extra 53, not only did seeing how fucked up its looks cheer me up when I first read the article after only moments earlier losing half my cookie into my coffee, but because no matter how many times I look at the image it brings a huge smile to my face and makes me giggle.