IDidItMyWay

How often do your friends ask if you would do something fucking disgusting, then when you say no they reply with ‘well would you do it for a million dollars?”. Just about everything and anyone can be brought in life for that much so it is a stupid fucking question.

But when it comes to sex what would be your absolute lowest price to fuck a stranger?

Well for Lahoma Sue Smith the answer was for the box of fucking potato chips in the back of some dudes car!! That’s right, fucking potato chips!! If she is willing to suck a dick for a box of chips just imagine the shit she would do for this

To make things seem even worse (if they could be), the 32 year old man on the other side of this deal didn’t even buy them; he stole the box from work earlier in the day.

The man confessed that he was in the area to pick up a prostitute, but had no money. So he offered Smith a box of Frito-Lay chips valued at $30, for sex.

I must admit this dude deserves some respect; basically he went cruising for a hooker knowing he had no cash but knew because of his manly charm that he would be able to work out a deal for his ‘sweet sweet’ box of chips.

But seriously, fucking come on… how fucking bad is you life when your sucking someone’s dick for a packet of chips. Fuck I wouldn’t let someone touch my left arse cheek for less than a 50 note (unless she is fucking smoking how in which case it would of course be free of charge).

I guess the real positive of this story is that she would have been able to erase the nasty taste of a desperate dick out of her mouth semi quickly with the chips… let’s just hope there was some dude a little further down the road who works for a bottled water company as everyone knows potato chips make you thirsty are fuck!

Idiot of the week #5 was a clear runaway this week, I must admit that there was some early competition from this guy who clearly has far too much trust in people not stealing his bike, either that or he is just a stupid fucking retard.

Anyway the winner is…. Kimberley Vlaminck, this dumb bitch apparently went into a tattoo parlor and asked for THREE tiny stars near her left eye (I’m guessing to somewhat copy LA Ink’s Kat Von D’s). She is now suing the tattooist because she is claiming that during this minor tattoo she  ‘fell asleep’ and upon waking up found 53 extra fucking stars.

FUCK OFF, who the fuck falls asleep when getting a tattoo on the face? I have had a few non facial tattoo’s done,  although it didn’t hurt near as much as many people claim it does I certainly wasn’t about to fucking fall asleep from boredom/relaxation.

Not only this but if I woke up and saw I had 56 gay looking stars all over my face I wouldn’t have gone fucking nuts on the dude and the parlor. But ok..ok let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and believe she did, I think we should probably notify Guinness World Records. I say this because three tiny stars would have taken all of 2.4 minutes so for her to fall asleep within that time when it fucking takes me that long to just get my pillow in the right position every night….  I’m sure is a world record.

The tattooist claims:

She was awake throughout and complained only after her dad and boyfriend threw a fit. She looked in the mirror several times. She asked for 56 stars and that’s what she got.

Overall I would personally like to thank Kimberley for getting the extra 53, not only did seeing how fucked up its looks cheer me up when I first read the article after only moments earlier losing half my cookie into my coffee, but because no matter how many times I look at the image it brings a huge smile to my face and makes me giggle.

There was some competition for this week’s ‘Idiot of the week’ title. At the start of this week I was pretty sure David Carradine hanging himself while masturbating in a Bangkok hotel would be impossible to beat, but as fate would have it another idiot stepped up and snatched the title.

This week an idiotic Israeli woman decided to surprise her mother by purchasing a new mattress to replace her mother’s very old one.  When the Mother found her new gift, rather than smiling, she went fucking crazy telling her daughter how she had around US$1million hidden in the fucking thing.

When she told her daughter about the cash, she rushed outside to retrieve the mattress. But the binmen had already taken it away to the Hiriya dump in the south of Israel.

What a fucking idiot! When the daughter was moving the mattress, did she not fucking see the huge rip in the side or bottom with a shit load of bills tucked in it? Seriously how the fuck could you miss something like?

I’m guessing that as Israel is probably like any other country in the world where neighbours take shit as soon as someone puts it out the front that her mattress probably didn’t even make it to a tip and is still probably in her street. After this story has now gone global she has pretty much given herself fuck all chance of getting that back.

I guess the main thing though is she is not worried about anymore:

My mother told me that I should just leave it, It is a very, very sad story but I’ve been through worse

How the fuck can life get any worse than throwing away a million dollars of your inheritance….. fucking idiot.

This week it was all over Australian News that some middle aged mother while visiting Thailand thought it would be a good idea to steal a bar mat. Not just any bar mat but a bar mat from the ‘Aussie Bar’, why the fuck would this idiot want to steal a bar mat she could buy at her local supermarket in Australia? Upon being asked by an undercover Thai police officer she decided to make a run for it down the beach which I can only imagine would have been great to watch from a spectators perspective.

When caught she had the bar mat in her pants. Again what a fucking idiot, the news coverage was constantly portraying her as just an average family mum who has never done anything like this before, well who the fuck cares I just wish the Thai police gave her a few with their batons when they caught her so at least then she would have a reason to have her saddy sad face on all day while cameras are filming her.

Idiots don’t normally act alone, and to earn this stories idimw’s idiot of the week title it was greatly helped by her stupid fucking Australian family ‘offering money to Thai authorities’. So not only did this idiot think she could somehow outrun a police officer who has quite possible been running from all kinds of shit their entire life, but now her family thought a few bucks in an envelope should settle the debt.

Since the story has broke she has been freed and back in Australia, she was given a AUD$30 fine and a good behavior bond which is complete bullshit, she will probably ‘sell her story’ and make thousands off this shit now.

Overall having seen what happened to her in the end it kind of makes me want to go and do it so I can make a few grand too doing interviews…. fucking tramp.

It’s Friday so that only means one thing for me now, Idiot of the week and although last week’s idiot set the bar pretty high this week’s idiot also brings with him something to the table.

On Thursday it was reported around the world that 32-year-old Jesse Fierstine decided that he would like to kill his old man so how better to do it than hit him over the head with a flashlight and a piece of firewood then using his old scout pocket knife cut his dads pacemaker out.

What a fucking idiot, what the fuck was his trying to do? You know that this idiot probably was reading some shit online about how a pacemaker can explode inside someone so thought by cutting it out it would look like it was blown out… that has to be it right?

The thing that puts this idiot on my list opposed to other killers this week is that he fucking failed! His dad fucking survived…. how the fuck can you not kill someone when you’re cutting out the one fucking thing keeping them alive. If this idiot inherited his brains from his old man just imagine when the dad woke up, looked down and while seeing a hole in his chest the size of his pacemaker, thinking what the fuck happened…. have I been robbed?