IDidItMyWay

Last week I came across an Australian news story where a man has been charged with possessing child pornography because he had pictures of The Simpsons and Pokemon naked and performing sex acts on each other.

What the fuck has the world seriously come to when pictures of cartoon characters are being classed as bad as true child pornography photographs.  Judging from this case if you or I opened MS Paint, drew a stick figure baby with big tits or a dick we could probably be charged with producing child pornography. Even worse if we sent it to a friend with a funny joke on it (perhaps his/her name) we could also be charged with distribution of child pornography meaning a fucking lengthy jail sentence.

This world is every day becoming more fucked up; some people who are making the important decisions in the world are simply fucking everything up instead. If I was president or prime minister I would make everything so fucking awesome…  hmmm perhaps I should start a political party now that I have so much spare time at the moment.

Lately I have been seeing more and more old people still working in places like McDonalds and shit. It could be due to current state of the world financially or it could be because they think they aren’t old.

Every second week on tv and in the papers there are news stories that 40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 30 and I’m presuming before the end of the year 100 will be the new 30. Fuck why can’t people get over getting old. Just because the paper says your age is the new 30 doesn’t mean you’re not going to die soon.

Another thing I can’t fucking stand at the moment are MILF wannabes. Who the fuck out there are they serious fooling? When I see them the first thing that comes to mind is ‘dirty old slut/hooker’. You all know the ones I’m talking about… the ones who wear mini shirts with cellulite and shit shaking all over the place when they walk in front of you. It’s the absolute fucking worse when you behind them going up and escalator. I literally have to look in another direction to stop myself from throwing up all over the fat legs.

Don’t get me wrong I’m sure it’s not just and old woman issue. I also can’t stand shithead men who for some reason or another think they live in Hawaii and must wear the huge Hawaiian shirts while shopping with their fake blonde wives.

When I get old all I’m doing every day is smoking a pipe, getting shit drunk and ‘accidently’ forgetting to pay for shit while out shopping. Fuck I can’t wait!!

Why is it when on holiday people think it’s great to look like a complete dickhead? Today I was cruising through flickr.com looking at peoples stupid pictures and came across a ton of idiots who think it’s funny/original to pretend to hold up The Leaning Tower of Pisa.

After doing this research it has been revealed that it’s not only modern idiots doing it but it seems to be a behavior that has been happening for many decades now.  In fact it’s quite possible someone you know may have at one point keep the idiot dream alive and may even try to sell the stance to anyone who will look through their holiday snaps.

OK OK so if it was so bad why would I write about it here also then? Well that’s because I managed to find an upside to this issue and that is the innovative people who now go there on a regular basis to see how many idiots they can capture in one frame in the leaning position. Just from my 5 minutes of looking into the sport I managed to find a few contestant entries with the most being 4 people in a shot.

Knowing this exciting twist to the story, if i live closer I guarantee I’d capture the mostest!!

For a few years now I have thought about composing a book either of the strange events that I have experienced (see first few entries for examples) or about some offbeat topic which the world secretly loves to know about but is too embarrassed to experience or admit.

Well my thinking that it would be a piece of cake due mainly to the way authors are constructed in movies where they just drink coffee in Starbucks and sigh a lot came crashing down before me after an article I read last week.  (Article)

In the article it tells of some guy called Samuel (but prefers Joe for some reason) who apparently shared my idea of writing an offbeat book which the masses would go crazy over.. but rather than keeping it on the ‘to do someday’ list, old Joe actually put pen to paper about the serious topic of Plumbing. After writing the entire book, going to the trouble of publishing it, Joe’s next step it seemed was to have a book signing day which as many as possibly 11 people attended.

After reading the article the thought that came to mind immediately was ‘I so fucking wish I was there and drunk’ which was followed but ‘fuck imagine the effort he went through for nothing’ which quickly returned to the wishing I was there to see the disappointment, embarrassment which must have been all over his face.

Anyway overall I have decided to keep the thought of writing a book in the future open, only because I know my book would be fucking awesome and who ever didn’t show up would be the ones embarrassed about not being in the presence, even if only for a brief moment of such an awesome awesome man as I.