IDidItMyWay

In 2007 the ‘Bhut Jolokia’ chili was confirmed to be the hottest chilli is the world. It is suppose to be up to 1,000 times hotter than commonly used kitchen chili. There is a ton of youtube videos of idiots trying to eat one with most failing.

Anyway today I was reading a story about how Indian scientists are going to put the chili powder into hand grenades in the hope the devices will be used to control rioters.

This is so not going to work, I say this because we all know how fucking painful it is when you get an average chili it in your eye and how instead of ‘calming’ you down it fires you the fuck up!! So rioters who are already rioting will react to the extra strength with additional strength.

But the ideas don’t stop there, they are also planning on spreading the powder on the fences around army barracks in the hope the strong smell will keep out animals.. are they fucking stupid? Why would they even bother doing this shit, I’m sure that all the fucking rotten incense they are constantly burning already keeps away any living thing.

It would appear I’m a bit late on finding out, but this time next week the world will witness the release of the Seinfeld Porno. After watching this show as a kid never did I imagine that in the distant future there would be the possibility that I would get a boner from it.

But now when I think about it, sure the cast doesn’t exactly look the same but I imagine that seeing scenes like Jerry fucking Elaine or George finally getting some will actually feel like I’m watching a friend’s home porno.

Now for those of you out there that perhaps didn’t or don’t count the cast as your friends I imagine you will experience the other side of the coin that you ‘know people in porn’ which also will probably get you off.

With my first point in mind I was thinking what other shows did I watch as a kid that if turned into pornos would be like a distant friend’s home movie or perhaps even bring some closure to the story plot.

Growing Pains:  Seeing Mikey return after venturing around the world to tell Ben about his conquests would add an entirely new dimension to this brothership.

Step by Step:  How about seeing Carol finally tell Frank to fuck off and hitting the bar scene would be awesome. Plus even though I fucking hated Dana growing up, something about her eyes now means she would slip into porn easily.

But perhaps the one everyone needs most would be ‘The Wonder Years’ seeing Kevin finally get some from Winnie (while Paul is probably looking through the window) would almost be as fulfilling as knowing if Aliens did or didn’t land at Roswell. Just to finish the movie off properly, the final scene can be Wayne running in and punching Kevin straight in the gut so that we can all laugh after jacking off.

Are you feeling a little dehydrated? Would you care for a drink to wet your throat? Water? Beer? Well what if I told you there may be something better for you. How about a small jar of an 18 year old “pretty girl’s” saliva?

That’s right, some sicko from China has thought of the web’s newest way to make a quick buck by selling saliva from sleeping teenage girls?

“The drool was all collected from 18-year-old pretty girls when they were sleeping. And buyers can pay later after they certified the authenticity of this product,”

Ok this raises two very important questions;
A) how the fuck do you get salvia from a sleeping girl? Even if for some bazaar reason this guy has actually figure out how to, it still doesn’t explain how on earth he would gather enough to fill a small bottle.
B) how the fuck can anyone EVER ‘authenticate’ the product? For all the buyer knows it came from the sellers pet dog.

But ok let’s give this guy the benefit of the doubt and just ‘assume’ that it’s all legit and there are some weirdo’s out there who WOULD buy this, but the fuck would they actually do with it? You can’t exactly put it on the tv and use it for a point of discussion when friends come around now can you…..

Overall after reading this story it really makes me think that if people are willing to buy this crap knowing there is nothing they can do with it once they have it, what’s some other weird shit I can start selling?

Edit: Since the story became popular around the web, they auction site has removed the listing…. sad face : (

Possible one of the strangest stories I’ve ever come across was today’s “Man allegedly breaks into home, licks 11-year-old boy’s belly button”. After reading the head line I checked the calendar to see if it was April fools or some shit today. After discovering that we are actually in JUNE now I had to read the article.

Turns out some fucking 41 year old freak (better known as James Albert Silbernagel) decided he liked the 11 year old down the street a little more than a friend.

Silbernagel allegedly entered the home while the boy was showering and knocked on the bathroom door, asking if he could use the phone again. He asked the boy to open the door and then pulled out a knife and told the boy to take his towel off. When he refused, Silbernagel licked his belly button.

What the fuck? Firstly I guess the most obvious point of this story is the boy has to be the luckiest rape victim in history as how many fucking rapist/killers would accept a lick of the ol’ belly button as replacement for other shit.

In all seriousness though, this type of shit is seriously fucked up. Adults preying on kids are pretty much the lowest of the low. If I was ever elected into government the first change I would is after being caught I would let the kids parents belt the living shit out of him/her/them and only when the parents had had enough they would have “Pedophile” or “Rapist” tattooed bang in the middle of these sick fucks foreheads, to alert other in mates of just how classy they are.

It’s a messed up world we live in these days…